All That I'm Living For
by Lehua
Summary: Inspired by the song by Evanescence. SessRin. Sequel to Weight of the World. She had crossed the line last night . . . . She leaned over and kissed his neck softly, tasting him with her tongue.
1. Chapter 1

**All That I'm Living For**

**Disclaimer: Inuyasha is not mine, so these characters are not mine.**

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**Chapter One**

Rin combed her long hair, staring at her reflection in the mirror. She was seated in her room in Sesshomaru's castle, the room her Lord had given her when she was a young girl; it was across the hall from his own, his empty room. When she was as child she would enter his room late at night, sometimes out of fear of the darkness within her own room, and sometimes because she was lonely. The best times were the nights when they were away from the castle, when she knew he was watching her with his eyes as she slept; she felt safest then. But now, now she was too old to crawl into his bed and let him soothe her fears away. She was 18, not a little girl anymore, and while he had never said she could no longer come to him at night, she felt that it would be imprudent to do so anymore.

Her body had changed in the last few years, and she had begun to feel a tug in her chest and her stomach whenever her Lord was in the room. It was deep, instinctual, and she was afraid. She would find herself in his room, gently kneading his shoulders as he relaxed, leaning against her; or running her hands along his waist as she passed him in the halls. She couldn't seem to keep her hands to herself in her Lord's presence. But he never said anything, just looked at her with his amber eyes, his face neither smiling nor frowning.

She had crossed the line last night. They were in his room and she was combing his long, silver locks. She was humming a nameless tune, enjoying the feel of his silky hair and the gentle pressure of his body as he leaned against her. She was brushing the hair at the nape of his neck, exposing the smooth flesh to the night air; the small hairs on his neck stood up as the wind gently blew through the room. She leaned over and kissed his neck softly, tasting him with her tongue.

"Rin," he said, voice low and deep. His hand touched her head.

She kept her lips pressed to his neck, closing her eyes.

"Rin," he said again.

She pulled away from him, embarrassed. "I'm sorry, my Lord."

He said nothing.

She finished her brushing and left the room, tears springing to her eyes. What had she been thinking? Nothing, that's what. She just leaned over and kissed him, as if it were the most natural thing for her to do. And it felt natural, felt right, but she must have offended him because he left this morning without saying a word to her—or to Master Jaken—and he still had not returned. He despised humans and she had kissed him; he must despise her now. How dare she lay a finger on him, and on his neck no less!

_But he let you_, her mind whispered. _He didn't yell at you, didn't push you away._ He let her brush his hair, let her be in his presence when he was unarmed—though not defenseless. If he had truly despised her, he would have thrown her out of the room, banished her from his presence.

She closed her eyes as tears slipped down her cheeks. Would she ever be more than just his ward? Would she ever be more than just a little girl in his eyes? Would he ever see her as more than just a weak human who followed and adored him? Would he ever see her love? Could he return it?

Rin stood, slamming her brush onto her vanity. "Argh!"

Conflicting thoughts and emotions swam through her mind. He made all the show of love, but he despised humans; he let her come near, exposing his weakness before her, but he never did anything, never touched her. He never initiated anything. She knew somewhere in that demon heart laid passion, but he just let things wash by him, letting her flounder in her unrequited love.

She couldn't face him anymore, she couldn't live here and watch him, couldn't stop herself from touching him and trying to persuade him to love her. He never had any other women at the castle except the servants, but she was horrified at the thought that one day he would take a mate and she would be here to watch them, watch him love his mate as he could never love her, his little ward. "I can't," she whispered.

She got up and packed a bag; she needed to get out of here.

"Where are you going?" Jaken called after she passed by him, her bow and arrows slung over her shoulder and a bag in her hand.

"To see Lady Kagome," she said, not stopping.

"But Lord Sesshomaru-"

"Is not here and would not have stopped me anyway." She grabbed Ah-Un's reins.

"But Lord Sesshomaru-"

"Au-Un will be with me; I'll be fine." She climbed onto his back and left.

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Rin landed at the edge of Kaede's village. She hadn't been here since her Lord had left the priestess with his half-brother, since Inuyasha had declared his preference for Kagome. It hadn't changed much. The sun was just peeking over the mountains and trees, casting its light on the sleeping village. She got off Ah-Un and let the two-headed dragon graze in the field as she walked to the village.

"Mommy! Mommy!" a small voice cried. "There's a strange lady walking into the village."

Rin narrowed her eyes and looked in the direction of the voice but saw no one. As she neared Kaede's hut she heard a voice whisper, "Izayoi, shh! You'll wake everyone."

"Too late," she heard the hanyou say. He stepped out of the hut. "Rin."

"Inuyasha," she replied, bowing.

"Rin?" Kagome said, stepping out into the cool morning air. Her stomach was a bit distended; she was a few months pregnant. "Rin!" she said, opening her arms and running to her.

Rin hugged her back, mildly uncomfortable.

"Look at you: all grown up," Kagome said, stepping back and looking at Rin from head-to-toe.

"And you have children."

Kagome smiled. "Izayoi, come meet Lady Rin, your uncle's Lady."

Rin flinched at the title. A little girl came out of the hut shyly, her black hair long and her human ears pointy. "Hi," she said, displaying her small fangs. She bowed, her small hands in front of her, the nails long and sharp.

Rin bowed. "Hi, Lady Izayoi."

Izayoi giggled and ran to her mother, who picked her up and nuzzled the girl. "She's named after Inuyasha's mother."

Rin smiled.

"Come inside," Kagome said, walking back into the hut.

"Where's my brother?" Inuyasha said as he fell into step next to Rin.

"I don't know."

He arched an eyebrow at her. "How can you not know?"

Rin flinched. "He doesn't tell me everything, you know."

Inuyasha snorted.

"Why does everyone think we have something great and magical between us?" she said as they entered the hut. "He is my Lord and I am his ward."

"Come now, Rin," Kagome said, putting Izayoi down. "We all know that Sesshomaru holds a special place in his heart for you."

"Yeah, right," she muttered. She put her things down and sat down, her face in her hands.

"Okay, we'll talk about something else. Why are you here?" Kagome said, making a fire and boiling water.

"I needed to get out. Master Jaken was driving me insane," she lied.

Inuyasha grinned. "The green imp still follows Sesshomaru around then?"

Rin nodded. "I swear he gets more annoying everyday."

Kagome laughed. "Did you eat?"

Rin's stomach rumbled in response.

"We have some Ramen; I was planning on getting supplies today." Kagome grabbed an unopened package of Ramen. She broke it up, still in the package, and then deposited it into a pot. She stirred.

"What are you doing?" Rin said.

Kagome looked up, her facing turning red. "Oh, yeah, you don't know."

"Know what?"

"Um, well-"

"Kagome comes from the future," Inuyasha said.

"What?" Rin said, unable to believe her ears were hearing right.

"Kagome came through the bone-eaters well, 500 years in the future. She was born 500 years from now, carrying the shikon jewel within her body. The jewel made it possible for her to travel between her time and now, but now she doesn't need it."

"Why not?"

Inuyasha shrugged. "When the jewel was purified we thought she would never be able to go back. But, she jumped in the well and she was still able to pass through."

"So that is from the future?" Rin said, pointing at the contents of the pot.

Kagome nodded, grabbing a bowl and giving Rin the noodles. Rin looked at it warily, but slurped some down anyway; it would be rude to refuse. "It's good," she said, surprised.

Kagome grinned. "It's not bad; one of Inuyasha's favorites."

Rin finished the noodles and gave the bowl to Kagome. Kagome put it aside to be washed later.

"Are you really Uncle Sesshomaru's Lady?" Izayoi said, peeking at Rin from behind Kagome's legs.

Rin smiled. "Well, little Izayoi, it's a bit more complicated than that."

"What do you mean?" she said, cautiously stepping out from behind Kagome.

"Well," Rin said, beckoning to the girl. Izayoi walked shyly to Rin and sat on her lap. Rin bounced her a little, trying to calm the girl's fears. "How old are you?"

Izayoi held up four fingers.

"When I was twice your age, Lord Sesshomaru saved me."

"From what?"

Rin looked at Kagome and Inuyasha. Kagome nodded, urging her on.

"From wolves."

"Like Kouga?"

Rin nodded. "Just wolves. Not demons, but part of the demon-wolf tribe." _In fact, part of Kouga's tribe_, Rin thought.

"How did he save you?" Izayoi put a thumb in her mouth.

"He brought me back to life."

"You died?" Her eyes were wide.

Rin nodded. "Lord Sesshomaru carries a special sword called the Tenseiga, which can bring people back from the dead."

"Oh, Daddy told me about that one, but I didn't believe him." Izayoi grabbed Rin's yukata, clenching the fabric between her finger's absently.

"Well, your Daddy was right."

Izayoi sat for a few minutes, thinking. Then she said, "Uncle Sesshomaru must really love you."

Rin laughed. "Why would you say that?"

"Well, Daddy said he hates humans, but he brought you back to life and he let's you follow him around; he must really love you because he doesn't care that you're human," Izayoi said seriously.

"Izayoi, come; leave Lady Rin alone. It's time for school," Kagome said.

Izayoi groaned. "Do I have to go?"

Kagome looked at her watch. "Yes, now let's go before you're late."

"But-"

"No 'if,' 'ands,' or 'buts,' young lady; Lady Rin will be here when you get home," Kagome said, her hands on her hips.

Izayoi got up and dragged herself over to her school bag, picking it up with a groan. Kagome ushered her out of the house.

"Isn't it a little early for school?" Rin said when they left.

Inuyasha was looking at the door where Kagome and Izayoi had exited. "Kagome insisted on having Izayoi go to school in her time."

"What?"

He shrugged. "She thought it would be important for Izayoi to know both worlds."

"Isn't it dangerous?" Rin said.

Inuyasha shook his head. "Kagome's time is a lot safer—demon-wise. Other evils, though, no."

"What happens if something-"

He shook his head. "Kagome stays in her time while Izayoi is at school. If something happens, she'll get me if she can't handle it herself."

"Isn't she a little young?"

He shrugged. "Kagome is sending her to some school for gifted-children. I don't know how it works, I just know they come home after lunch."

"Oh."

"You should get some sleep. It's far from Sesshomaru's to here," he said getting up. "You can stay here with us. Kagome has some extra blankets in the closet." He pointed at the cupboard and left the hut.

Rin sighed. She hadn't expected Kagome and Inuyasha to have children—well one child and another on the way. Her heart hurt a little; she would never have a child with Lord Sesshomaru, let alone with anyone else. She hated humans and would never let a human touch her, especially there. She felt the tears, hot and new, trying to fall from her eyes. No, she wouldn't be weak; she wouldn't cry about things that were immovable.

She lay down, wrapped in one of Kagome's blankets, and slept.

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R & R.

Sequel to _Weight of the World._ SessRin.

Fishing for reviews. Next chapter is ready.


	2. Chapter 2

**All That I'm Living For**

**Disclaimer: Inuyasha is not mine, so these characters are not mine.**

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**Chapter Two**

"Where's Rin?" Sesshomaru said, waking Jaken from his snooze in the hallway.

"What? My Lord!" the green demon sputtered, bowing. "Rin went to see the young miko."

"Alone?"

"I told her not to go, but you know how head strong she is, that stupid girl-"

Sesshomaru thumped him on the head.

"Sorry, my Lord," Jaken said, rubbing the bump. "She took Ah-Un with her."

Sesshomaru walked away from the imp, annoyed. He entered her rooms and found that she had indeed taken some clothing and her bow and arrows. There was no note. He growled and went to his own rooms, careful not to let Jaken see his distress.

Why had she gone? She never left the castle unaccompanied, or without his express permission. He had left the previous day to get some air, after the heated session he and Rin had the previous night; he needed time to think, space to sort out his thoughts. She had been slowly consuming his thoughts until he could think of nothing else but her. As she grew before his eyes, emotions began to surface, deep and dark, things he didn't want to feel, things he was ashamed of feeling for a human. But she wasn't just any human; she was his human, had always been his, and could be nobody else's.

Every night, when she sat in his presence, brushing his hair or telling him a story, he watched her, noticing the way she tilted her head and laughed, or the way she would casually brush her body against his, or how her hands would become animated when she was telling a particularly good story. He forced himself not to laugh too much, not to encourage her behavior, but he was unable to ever deny her what she wanted. And she wanted him; he could tell. Her scent would increase until it filled his head, cinnamon and sakura.

When her courses came once a month, he had to leave. It wasn't that he couldn't handle her monthly bleeding, he just didn't want to think about her ability to bear children, because inevitably he would think about having her bear his own children; he'd find himself standing outside her room, his hand ready to slide back her door. Jaken had found him a few times outside of her door in the dead of night, but had said nothing.

She didn't come to him at night anymore, didn't crawl up to his body because she was frightened of the dark. He missed her, missed the way her breathing would become deep and steady, missed how she would grab his clothing and tug on him, trying to get closer. He would inevitably slip his arms around her as she slept and hold her to his chest, her eyes fluttering as she dreamed.

His Rin was no longer a child. Somewhere between when he had brought her back to life and now she had grown up, and he found himself both annoyed and excited, annoyed that she was no longer a child and excited because he could now see her as he had always seen her, as his. She was his as soon as she brought him her first offering, when he was injured from his fight with Inuyasha. He deluded himself for the first few years after he had revived her that Tenseiga had chosen her, not he, not the great Sesshomaru; it had been Tenseiga that had wanted Rin to be revived. But no, as time passed, he knew that he had wanted her then, wanted her innocence, wanted her adoration. And as more time passed he realized that he wanted her more, and that perhaps Inuyasha had been right, that he had been grooming her to be his mate.

He removed his armor and sighed. The sun was fading from the sky. She should be here with him, brushing his hair or telling him a story. He wanted to feel her hands against his back as she kneaded his muscles into submission. He could still feel her kiss on his neck, and he absently brushed at the spot, trying to recall the memory, as if recalling the memory would bring her back to his side. He was lonely.

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Earlier in the day . . . .

Rin opened her eyes and found Izayoi's face pressed up against hers.

"Are you awake now?" Izayoi said, not moving.

"I think so," Rin said, staring back at the girl.

Izayoi smiled and pulled away. She hopped down to the ground, her uniform swirling around her legs. "Mommy said I could spend the rest of the day with you."

"Did she?" Rin said, sitting up and adjusting her yukata.

"Mmm-hmm," she replied, pulling off her uniform and changing into a pair of shorts and t-shirt. "What do you want to do today?"

Before Rin could answer a voice called from outside. "Kaachan!" A tall figure entered the hut.

"Shippo!" Izayoi said, running to him and flinging herself into his arms. He lifted her up onto his shoulders. She giggled.

"Who's this?" he said to Izayoi.

"It's Lady Rin, Uncle's Lady," she replied.

Shippo's eyebrows went up. "Rin? It's been a long time," he said, bowing slightly, careful not to dislodge Izayoi.

Rin stood and bowed. "Shippo. You have grown."

"So have you." His eyes danced over her form. "Where is Lord Sesshomaru?"

Rin looked away. "He is not with me."

"Oh," he said softly.

"Mommy said I could spend today with Lady Rin," she informed Shippo, wriggling so he would let her down.

"What about your homework?" Shippo said, putting her down.

Izayoi gave him a look. "What homework?"

He laughed. "I see. You finished it already."

"I always finish before I leave school," she said smugly, her chin up.

"I'm sure you're the smartest little girl there ever is," he said, tickling her.

She giggled and ran behind Rin. She pushed Rin, trying to get her to leave the hut. "Let's go to the sacred tree."

"Okay, okay, I can walk on my own," Rin said, laughing.

"You better do as she says: she always gets her way; she's daddy's little girl," Shippo whispered to Rin.

"Hey! I heard that!" Izayoi said, glaring at him.

Shippo lifted up his hands in defense. "What? I didn't say anything."

"I may be only a fourth hanyou, but I still have ears," she said, hitting him in the gut.

He feigned pain. "Oh, you got me."

"Argh!" she said, chasing him outside of the hut. He kept himself just out of her grasp.

Rin laughed, covering her mouth with her sleeve. Shippo stopped and stared at her. Izayoi tackled him, knocking him to the ground and putting him in a headlock. He grinned as Rin's laugh deepened.

"Izayoi! Who are you beating up now?" Inuyasha said, looking at his daughter as she continued to keep Shippo in a headlock.

"Shippo," she said indifferently.

Inuyasha sighed and hauled Izayoi off of Shippo. "What did your mother say about putting people in headlocks?"

"Not to do it," she replied, looking down at the ground and kicking some rocks.

"What did I say?"

"Come get you so you could do it for me," she said, grinning.

"Exactly," Inuyasha said, grabbing Shippo around the neck and pulling him down. He thumped Shippo on the head. "What do you say, Shippo?"

Shippo looked at Izayoi sheepishly. "Sorry for call you 'daddy's little girl.'"

"You called her what?"

There was a 'poof' and Shippo was free from Inuyasha's grasp. "I called her daddy's little girl, but it looks like she's got you wrapped around her little finger," Shippo said, running away.

"Why you-" Inuyasha chased after Shippo.

"Kaachan!" he cried.

"Sit boy!" Kagome yelled from somewhere.

Inuyasha crashed to the ground.

"Daddy!" Izayoi cried, running to her father's side.

Kagome came around the bend with Shippo's ear in her hand. "What are you hooligans doing now?" she said, releasing Shippo's ear when she faced all of them.

"Well-" they all said.

She held up her hand. "One at a time."

"Shippo called me 'daddy's little girl,'-"

"He said I was wrapped around her little finger-"

"I was just playing around-"

"Enough," she said, raising her hand again. "You are daddy's little girl, she does have you wrapped around her finger, and you need to be careful when you call either of them names," she said, pointing at each of them. "Not to mention, we have a guest; can't you three behave while she's here?"

Everyone looked at Rin, who flushed under their gaze.

"Kagome!" a voice called.

"Sango!" Kagome said, turning around.

The demon slayer came along with her husband, Miroku, and Kilala. She was several months pregnant and waddled more than walked.

"Look how big you've gotten!" Kagome exclaimed.

"I know," Sango said, embracing Kagome lightly. "Look at you: another on the way." Sango looked up and noticed Rin. "Lady Rin?"

Rin bowed.

"Oh my, look at you," Sango said, giving Rin a hug. "How are you?"

"Fine," Rin said, embarrassed by Sango's scrutiny.

"Still following Lord Sesshomaru?"

"Um, well, I-" Rin stuttered, unable to say anything.

Sango smiled. "I see. Don't worry about it; he'll come around."

Rin blushed.

"Lady Rin!" Miroku said, cupping her hands in his.

"Monk-" Sango said.

"What, I'm not going to say anything embarrassing," he said, touching his head and smiling nervously.

Rin backed away from them. She saw another figure coming down the road. "Kohaku," she whispered.

"What?" Sango said, turning around. "Oh, yeah, Kohaku's with us."

Rin hadn't seen Kohaku since the final battle with Naraku. He had grown into a tall, dark man, but his smile was still quick when he saw Rin. "Lady Rin," he said, sweeping up her hand and kissing it.

Shippo growled low in his throat. Inuyasha thumped him on the head and shot him a dangerous look. Shippo backed down.

"So, what are you guys doing here?" Kagome said, walking in the direction of the hut.

"Well, Miroku said there was a disturbance near our village and he wants Inuyasha to come and take a look," Sango said.

"He really just wanted to get you out of the way," Kagome said.

"Yeah, doesn't want me to pick up the hiraikotsu while I'm in this condition."

"Can't blame him," Inuyasha said. "Kagome can't go."

"What?" Kagome said, angry.

"You're pregnant."

"So?"

"The baby is more important than fighting a demon," Inuyasha pointed out.

Kagome muttered darkly to herself but nodded.

"Well, I can go," Rin said.

Everyone looked at Rin. "Lady Rin," Miroku said, "Inuyasha and I can handle whatever it is."

"Hey, I'm going," Shippo said.

"As am I," Kohaku said.

"Well, if they're going then I'm going too," Rin said.

"But-" Kagome said.

"I can use the bow and arrow better than even you, Kagome."

Kagome sighed, but nodded. "You know what will happen to us if you die; Sesshomaru will have our skin."

"He is not the boss of me," Rin said, lifting her chin.

Everyone looked at her, eyes wide. Miroku whistled.

"What?" she said, glaring at him.

"You've got it bad."

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Rin found Ah-Un still in the field. "Go home," she told the dragon.

He looked at her, uncertain.

"I will be fine," she said, rubbing its snout.

He got up and left.

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Sesshomaru saw Ah-Un flying back without Rin. What was that girl doing? She wasn't defenseless without Ah-Un, but it would have been better to keep the two-headed dragon near her. "Jaken," he called. The green imp came into the room. "Go get Rin."

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R & R.

Still fishing for more reviews.


	3. Chapter 3

**All That I'm Living For**

**Disclaimer: Inuyasha is not mine, so these characters are not mine.**

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**Chapter Three**

Rin walked with the men, her bow and arrows slung over her back, wearing a pair of pants and a loose blouse; it was easier to fight without the yukata restricting her legs. She didn't think they would need her at all, but she was prepared just in case. Naraku was dead so the monk only had his religious scrips and sacred power to rely on; the only one with any real power was Inuyasha, who still wielded the Tetsaiga, the sword her Lord once coveted. Shippo and Kohaku, well, she didn't know what they were capable of. Kohaku was a demon slayer, brought back to life—after Naraku was killed—by the shikon jewel, the wish that had purified the jewel; so he was formidable, though when he was younger he was prone to sloppiness unless he was being controlled by Naraku. Shippo was no longer a young kitsune, so she wasn't sure what he could do.

"Lady Rin," Kohaku said, hanging back and walking by her side. Shippo talked with Inuyasha and Miroku.

"Yes?" she said, not looking at him. She had been acutely aware of his gaze since they left the village, and she was a little unnerved.

"How have you been?"

She smiled. "Fine. Lord Sesshomaru treats me very well."

"He always has. But why are you here? Wouldn't you rather be traveling with your Lord?"

Rin paused. What could she say? Yes, she'd rather be with her Lord, but he was driving her crazy, both in mind and body. "I . . . yes, but . . . ." She sighed.

"I see," Kohaku said.

She said nothing.

"I hear that you are very proficient with the bow," he said, changing the subject.

"Kagome taught me when I was a little girl."

He smiled and nodded. "Sango has been training me as well."

"Really? I didn't know she could use your weapon."

"My sister is proficient in many weapons," he said softly.

Pause. "Does it still hurt?" she said.

He nodded. "I haven't been able to get rid of the images of me killing my family. I know it wasn't me, but it doesn't help. Sango tells me to let it go, but it's difficult when you can see the eyes of all the people you've killed."

"You were under Naraku's possession; that must count for something," she said, touching him softly on the shoulder.

He sighed and relaxed a little at her touch. "You have always been good to me, Lady Rin."

She blushed. "I was only a child when you traveled with us after Priestess Kikyo died."

"And you were only a child when I kidnapped you and tried to kill you," he countered.

"You were possessed!"

He smiled at her indignation and reached for her hand, but she pulled away. She couldn't give him any hope.

"Kohaku," she said, stopping and putting her hand on his chest. She could feel his heart beat, fast and steady. "I can't."

He took her hand and glanced behind her, noting that everyone was out of ear shot. "I will be here." He kissed her softly on the forehead and walked away.

She closed her eyes and let herself dream a little. A house, with children, and husband who would love her; someone who wouldn't be afraid of letting himself go, someone who could love her in return and not despise her humanity. But he wasn't Lord Sesshomaru. She opened her eyes and caught up with the others.

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Jaken muttered darkly to himself as he sighted the village. He landed with Ah-Uh in front of Kaede's hut. "Rin!" he called.

Kagome poked her head out of the hut. "Jaken!" She came out of the hut, followed by Izayoi, Sango, and Kilala.

"Who's the ugly green man, Mommy?" Izayoi said.

Jaken's eyes widened. "You have a child?" he sputtered.

Kagome nodded. "And another on the way."

He shook his head; he wasn't here for this; he was here to get Rin. "Where's Rin?" he said.

Kagome pointed in the direction Rin had gone. "She went to help the others fight a demon."

"What? My Lord will be most upset," Jaken said, his fright evident in his voice. If anything happened to that girl, Lord Sesshomaru would have his head.

"Well, you know Rin; can't say no to her," Kagome said.

"Mommy," Izayoi said, tugging on Kagome's skirt. "Who's the green man?"

"Oh, Izayoi, this is Master Jaken, your Uncle's—what are you?" she said, directing the last part to Jaken.

Jaken cleared his throat and stood tall. "I am Lord Sesshomaru's servant."

"Oh," Izayoi said, disappointed.

"Jaken, this is Izayoi, my daughter," Kagome finished.

Izayoi walked away. "He's not as important as Lady Rin."

"What?" Jaken said.

"Izayoi!" Kagome exclaimed.

"I'll have you know that I run my Lord's estate," he said, indignant.

"But you're just a servant; Lady Rin is Uncle's Lady; she's much more interesting."

"Izayoi, behave yourself!"

Sango giggled.

"Rin is not Lord Sesshomaru's Lady; she is his ward and nothing more," Jaken said, trying to clear up the matter of Rin.

Izayoi's ears perked up. "He loves her, doesn't he?"

"My Lord loves no one, especially a human. Human's are beneath him."

"But she still follows him around, and he sent you here to get her, didn't he?"

Jaken's face looked at her, confused. How old was this girl? Shouldn't she be playing with dolls instead of trying to learn about palace intrigue? "How old is your daughter?"

"Four," Kagome said, "but she is very gifted, smartest person in her class. I wouldn't be surprised if she skipped a few grades."

Jaken shook his head. He couldn't understand anything these women were talking about. He grabbed Ah-Un's reins. "I need to get Rin before my Lord has my head." He walked away.

"Bye, green man. Tell Uncle about me," Izayoi called after him.

He shuddered.

That stupid girl. What had she gotten herself into? Going off and trying to fight a demon without Lord Sesshomaru. He would put a stop to this immediately.

He jumped on Ah-Un and found Rin a few hours later. She was setting up camp with the half-demon and his pack. "Rin!" he said, jumping off of Ah-Un.

"Master Jaken!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing here?" She patted Ah-Un's head and whispered comforting words to the beast.

"My Lord demands that you come home now," Jaken said. "Let's go."

"No."

Everyone stopped what they were doing. "Rin-" Inuyasha began.

"I said I would help you, and I keep my word," she said.

"We will be fine; go home."

"Rin, Lord Sesshomaru will be very upset if you don't come home with me," Jaken said, trying to convince her to come with him.

"If he wants me to come home then he can come and get me himself," she said, not looking at Jaken.

Jaken gasped. "Foolish girl! My Lord will not come down here just to get you."

"Then I won't go home." She walked away from him.

"Rin, you must-"

"No, Master Jaken. I will not. He cannot command me to come to him anymore."

Jaken looked at her like she had grown another head. "What do you think you can accomplish by acting like this? My Lord will not play any of your games, you should know this."

"I will not play his either," she said softly.

Jaken jumped onto Ah-Un's back. "Lord Sesshomaru won't come." He left.

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"Lady Rin," Shippo said later.

Rin was sharpening her arrow tips against a rock. She left the group after Master Jaken had departed, upset; she didn't want everyone to see her cry. Master Jaken had been right; Lord Sesshomaru would not come to get her just because she demanded him to. What had made her think he would? She should have just gone home, but she couldn't; she'd just fall into the same trap, yearning after Lord Sesshomaru and getting no satisfaction. At least her pain was alleviated a bit by not being in his presence all the time.

She looked up.

"How are you feeling?" he said, sitting down on the ground.

"Why does everyone ask that?"

He smiled. "Something must be wrong; you're not skipping around and picking flowers."

"I stopped picking flowers a long time ago."

"Really? When?"

She thought back.

She had made a particularly good wreath one day, made of dozens of wild flowers. As Lord Sesshomaru bent down to accept her gift, her hand brushed his face, and she felt a shock between them. His eyes had widened, but he hadn't pushed her hand away. She held her hand to his face, covering the purple stripes, and ran it down to his chin. Jaken had stumbled upon them and she had jumped back, embarrassed. She hadn't made a wreath since, mortified by her behavior and unable to control the pressure in her stomach whenever she was close to him, face to face.

"A few years ago," she said.

"Look, Rin," Shippo said after a pause, dropping the formality. "I'm not Lord Sesshomaru," he touched her cheek softly, "but I can love you as you want to be loved."

She smiled sadly, shaking her head. "You have to realize that any advance you make would be an affront to him."

Shippo stepped back, surprised.

"I am his creature," she said.

"You have a will of your own."

She shook her head again. "No, I don't."

"How can you say that? You just told Jaken that you wouldn't go home, that Sesshomaru would have to come and get you himself."

She laughed. "He will not come tonight to get me, but he will eventually. I am utterly his creature, to be used at his disposal."

"Rin," he said, looking at her in disbelief, "you can't possibly think that you're disposable?"

"To my Lord, I am."

"How can you live with him?"

She smiled and turned away from Shippo. "I can't."

"Then come with me," he said, grabbing her hands.

"I can't live without him."

He released her hands, his eyes sad. "I see." He sighed. "No chance at all, is there?"

"No, none at all."

He sighed again, running a hand over his face and through his hair. "Well, at least I gave it a try." He smiled at her suddenly. "I will be here," he echoed, and walked away.

Rin sat down and began to sharpen more points. Two men in one day had proposed to her. She would have been thrilled if she were any other woman, but she wasn't any other woman; she was Lord Sesshomaru's Lady, and she was in love with her Lord.

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"Jaken, why is Rin not with you?" Sesshomaru said when Ah-Uh had landed.

"That stupid girl-" thump "sorry, my Lord—she demanded that you go and get her." Jaken rubbed his head.

"Did she?" he said, walking away from Jaken.

"You're not going to go get her, are you?"

Sesshomaru threw a rock at Jaken's head.

"Sorry, my lord."

Sesshomaru went to his room. He looked at the waning moon, similar to the crescent on his forehead. She was testing him, again. She had done this before, when the young miko had needed his help, and he had relented. Now she was doing it again, and he knew eventually he would give in and get her himself; but not tonight. She would have to wait at least until morning. She would be safe for the night with his half-brother.

He missed her but she needed to learn that she couldn't get everything she wanted from him. She had to learn at some point that she was his, not the other way around. He would teach her this lesson, and perhaps her passion would abate and he would be able to see her as the little girl she used to be, the little girl who had smiled at him while putting a wreath of wild flowers on his head.

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R & R.

Fishing, fishing, fishing.


	4. Chapter 4

**All That I'm Living For**

**Disclaimer: Inuyasha is not mine, so these characters are not mine.**

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**Chapter Four**

"So, Shippo, you proposed to Rin yesterday?" Inuyasha said, walking ahead of the group with Shippo.

Shippo nodded.

"As did Kohaku," Inuyasha said, his hands in his sleeves.

"What?" Shippo said, stopping and looking at his surrogate father.

"You didn't know?" he replied, not stopping. "Keep walking or they'll know something's wrong."

Shippo fell back into step with him. "How do you know, Toochan?"

"I have ears," he said, flicking his ears.

Shippo said nothing for awhile, looking at the ground. "Did she say yes?"

Inuyasha shook his head: no. "She is—as she said—Sesshomaru's creature. I had thought you would have known better than to even ask her."

Shippo grimaced and looked up at the sky. "I don't know what came over me. I saw her, and, it was like the sun had come out of the clouds."

"She is beautiful, but you barely know her."

Shippo shrugged. "It just felt right."

"You are at that age."

"What age?"

"To find your mate."

Shippo's eyes grew wide. "You think it was instinct?"

He shrugged. "Probably hormones."

"How could you say that? You've seen her; she's like a goddess!" Shippo exclaimed, using his hands to emphasize his feelings.

Inuyasha thumped him on the head. "Kagome is a goddess; Rin is more like a celestial maiden."

Shippo rubbed his head. "Kaachan is entirely different; I don't think of her as-" he trailed off.

"Well, you should start thinking about someone else, because my brother would have your hide if you ever laid a finger on her," Inuyasha said seriously.

"What about Kohaku?" Shippo said, defensive.

Inuyasha snorted. "You are my concern; let Sango and Miroku deal with Kohaku. Besides, that boy has been harboring feelings for Rin since he stayed with Sesshomaru that short time, after-" pause "-she died."

Shippo said nothing. It was still hard for his father to talk about Priestess Kikyo, even after all these years, after everything she had done to him. Kikyo had parted from the earth on relatively good terms with his parents, but he knew his father sometimes grew wistful around the sacred tree, no doubt thinking about Kikyo, his first love.

"Whatever happened to that girl, Satsuki, your first love?"

Shippo blushed. "I was only a child."

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "As if you aren't now," he muttered. "So, go talk to her, or go see Souten."

"Souten! What makes you think I'd want to be with her?"

He shrugged. "She didn't seem to be at all opposed to the idea when we left her."

Shippo stared at him, his jaw dropped. "How would you know? That was years ago."

"Hey, I don't see you coming up with ideas, or bringing girls around so we can choose one."

"What gives you the idea that you can choose one for me?" Shippo said.

"You obviously can't pick one yourself; you chose Rin: she practically has a 'do not disturb' sign written on her head," Inuyasha replied, knocking Shippo on his head with his knuckles.

"What's a 'do not disturb' sign?"

"Well, when Kagome and I are in her time and we . . . ."

"What?! I did not need to know that, Toochan!" Shippo said, running back to walk with Miroku and Kohaku.

Rin giggled at Shippo's discomfort as she watched the scene unfold before her. She didn't know what they were talking about, but it was funny to watch their expressions. She yawned and stretched her arms, a little tired; she hadn't slept well last night. In fact, she hadn't been sleeping well at all during the night; it had been a long time since she hadn't been under the protection of her Lord. Inuyasha was strong, but he wasn't her Lord.

She sighed. "Lord Sesshomaru," she whispered.

She hadn't expected him to come last night, but she had hoped. The longer he waited the longer she would be without him. Now that she had drawn the line in the sand, it was his turn, and while she hoped he would acquiesce to her desires, she knew that his pride would get in the way, would muddy things up until he didn't know which way was up and which way was down.

She stumbled a little and caught Kohaku's attention; he slipped back a little and walked next to her. "I'm sorry," he said.

"For what?" she said.

"For crossing the line; for asking you to give me something you had no right to give to me."

"I can give my heart to whomever I please," she said, lifting her nose a little.

He smiled. "But only Lord Sesshomaru has captured it."

Rin's face dropped. "Yes," she whispered.

"And yet you deny him your presence," he said, placing his hands behind his back.

How could she explain how her Lord made her go weak at the knees every time he was in the same room with her? Or how she would peek at her Lord as he bathed, watching his long silver hair as it pooled around his pale body? Or how she could feel his warm breath on her neck those nights—long ago—when she had crawled into his bed at night out of fright and loneliness? The gentle pressure of his body as he unconsciously leaned against her; these things she could not explain, and she could not give Kohaku a good reason why she denied him—just that she could no longer keep herself at bay anymore, could no longer torture herself willingly. She needed to put up a fight at some point, and now was her time.

She said nothing.

"He is a good Lord to have someone so faithfully follow him," Kohaku said, and then caught up with the others.

Rin ground her teeth.

"How annoying," Inuyasha said, "everyone bothering you about Sesshomaru."

Rin jumped, unaware that Inuyasha was now walking with her.

"What's so fascinating about that dog?" Inuyasha said, grinning.

Rin laughed. "Have you come now to bug me about 'that dog'?"

Inuyasha humphed. "As if I need to talk to you about it—I know Sesshomaru. He has a plan—or had a plan—and it may be twisted and demented, but he'll see some sort of plan through. You can always count on him for that."

Rin smirked. "I was under the impression that he just let things slide by until they piled up and he was left with a whole pile of crap to deal with."

Inuyasha looked at her, shocked. His eyes narrowed, and he put his fingers on his chin. "I suppose, that could be true—but only on the account of you. Everything else is neat and orderly."

She laughed again, stopping and doubling over with the effort. Everyone stared at her, perplexed. She could see it all in her mind, Lord Sesshomaru's affairs all squared away, and the only mess in front of him was her, the one thing he had to deal with everyday; she could see his face as he tried to 'fix' the problem, and his frustration as he failed.

"Lady Rin, are you okay?" Miroku said, bending over so he could look her in the face.

She slapped him.

He jumped back, rubbing his face.

"Sorry," she muttered, "reflex."

Everyone laughed.

"She must've been channeling Sango," Kohaku said, laughing, tears coming to his eyes.

Miroku muttered darkly to himself, and continued walking towards his village. "It's just around the bend."

Rin felt lighter as she walked to the village. She looked up at the trees, watching the birds as they twittered among the branches. Everything was alive and happy, and so was she. Now that she was out and about, she realized how much she had missed traveling; she didn't travel nearly as much as she used to now that she got her monthly courses; Lord Sesshomaru didn't want her to be exposed during those periods and made sure to keep her close to home.

She noticed as they got closer to the village that the appearance of wildlife was beginning to grow less, but she attributed it—at first—to the close vicinity of the village. She sniffed the air. "Is that smoke?"

"Yeah," Inuyasha said, grabbing the hilt of the Tetsaiga. He glanced up at the sky. "Let's make this quick." He jumped ahead.

Rin's brows furrowed. "Oh, my god; it's the new moon tonight," she whispered and ran after him.

"Hey you!" Inuyasha said to the humanoid demon. "What the hell are you doing?"

The demon stood up, licking the last traces of blood off its lips. It was tall—at least 7 feet—and its clothes were matted in blood. Clutched in one hand was the remains of a man, and the other was the man's heart. "Who are you?" the demon rasped.

"It doesn't matter," Inuyasha said, unsheathing the Tetsaiga. "You're dead." He swung the sword, "Wind scar!"

The demon tossed the corpse away, and let the attack hit him, saying nothing. As the dust cleared the demon's silhouette could still be seen. "Interesting little trick," the demon said. It waved it hand, reflecting a wind scar-like attack at them.

Inuyasha thrust his sword down into the ground and deflected the attack from the others, taking the brunt of it himself; he was forced to one knee.

Kohaku jumped, thrusting his blade at the demon and unsheathing his sword. The demon easily deflected it and threw Kohaku back into a tree.

"Your fight is with me," Inuyasha said, advancing again.

"Sacred sutras!" Miroku said, throwing pieces of paper at the demon.

"Fox fire!" Shippo said, green fire emanating from his fingers and swirling around the demon.

Rin pulled back the bow string and let loose an arrow.

Inuyasha jumped, bringing the Tetsaiga down on the demon's head.

The demon looked up, its eyes glowing red. "You're going to have to do better than that."

The Tetsaiga encountered a barrier, and Inuyasha was thrown back into a tree. Everyone's attack was reflected back at them, Miroku's sacred sutras binding him, Shippo's fire engulfing him, and Rin's arrow grazing her shoulder. Rin yelped and grabbed her arm, surprised that the arrow hadn't killed her. The demon's aim was pretty good; everyone lay on the ground, hurt. Inuyasha tried to stand again, but as he got up, the sun went down and he changed, silver to black, and he collapsed against the ground. The demon advanced on him.

"No!" she said, and she released a volley of arrows at him.

The demon shrugged them off. He picked up Inuyasha. "A hanyou." He thrust his hand in Inuyasha's chest.

Rin's gut clenched as she heard Inuyasha's scream pierce the night air.

The demon pulled out Inuyasha's heart and the screaming stopped immediately. He grinned as the blood dripped down his hands. He threw Inuyasha's body away.

"Inuyasha!" she screamed, running to the hanyou's body.

The demon picked her up by her collar. He sniffed her and his grin widened. "Sesshomaru's ward. Never thought I would have the pleasure." The last thing she saw was his grin.

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R & R.

(sniff sniff)

Fishing, fishing, fishing.


	5. Chapter 5

**All That I'm Living For**

**Disclaimer: Inuyasha is not mine, so these characters are not mine.**

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**Chapter Five**

Sesshomaru's hackles raised as the sun went down. Something was wrong. "Jaken!"

"Yes, my Lord?" the imp said, stumbling into the room. He'd been waiting outside, wondering if his Lord would go after the girl.

"Where is Rin?"

"Um, well, she's with your half-brother, my Lord."

Sesshomaru's eyes turned red for a moment. Jaken backed away. "I knew that. What is her exact location?"

"She-she was on her way to a village near Inuyasha's Forest, to . . . . fight a demon." Jaken cringed; he should've told his Lord that earlier.

"Incompetent," Sesshomaru said as he exited through his balcony.

He transformed in mid-jump from a human to a dog, his limbs and torso stretching, white fur growing on his skin; the purple stripes receded and his crescent grew, his eyes rounding and turning blood red.

"My Lord!" Jaken said, running to the balcony rail.

Sesshomaru didn't look back, couldn't waste time. Stupid Jaken! Images of her mangled and broken body flooded his mind, intermixed with images of her smiling face, her voice as she said his name, the complete trust she had in his ability. He could not protect her if he was not near her. He roared. The Tenseiga could not bring her back again, could not be used on the same person twice.

Blood, there was blood and smoke in the air. No, not in Inuyasha's Forest, but near.

"Sesshomaru!" he heard a voice cry from below, in Kaede's village. He was soon pursued by the young miko on the fire neko.

He couldn't stop. The blood, human blood mixed with demon blood. He wanted to close his eyes, didn't want to see her twisted body, but forced himself forward. Time, he needed time, and he didn't have any.

He crashed into the village. "Rin!" he roared, sniffing for her scent. She had been here, but was here no more.

The miko landed next to him. "Inuyasha!" she cried, running to his half-brother's body. "Inuyasha!" she cried again, shaking his body. She drew her hands back, horrified at the amount of blood on them.

Sesshomaru changed back to his human form and stood next to the miko. His brother was dead, the messengers of death already chaining him to hell. The Tenseiga jingled in its sheath; he released it and swiped at the demons, banishing them from his brother's dead body. Something was wrong.

Inuyasha growled, his hair turning silver, and he took a swipe at Sesshomaru, his eyes red and one purple stripe growing down each of his cheeks. Sesshomaru jumped back, uninjured, and surprised at the power Inuyasha wielded; he had seen this power only once, when Inuyasha's demon blood had overtaken his human blood. Inuyasha stood and Sesshomaru saw the gaping hole where his heart should have been. There was nothing to control Inuyasha anymore; the Tetsaiga could not control what was no longer there. Where was Inuyasha's heart?

"Inuyasha!" the miko screamed, grabbing his hakama.

He sniffed her and turned away. He advanced on Sesshomaru, drawing blood with his nails and flinging his 'blades of blood' at Sesshomaru, not bothering to call out the attack. Sesshomaru deflected the attack with his poison claw. Inuyasha would need to be put down; he drew the Tenseiga. "Dragon Strike!"

"Sit boy!" the miko screamed. The sacred beads drew Inuyasha's body to the ground, protecting him from Sesshomaru's attack. She ran to her mate's body and covered his with her own, glaring at Sesshomaru. "Stop!"

Sesshomaru sheathed Tenseiga. "He is a demon."

"I will not let you kill him," she said, her brown eyes determined and her body tense.

"He cannot control himself anymore."

"He is your brother-"

"He has no heart-"

"He is my mate!" she growled, her eyes flashing pink and an aura surrounding her and Inuyasha. For a moment he thought he saw the dead priestess in her eyes, but then it was just her; they were, after all, the same soul.

"Control him," he said, and turned away from her, sniffing the air.

Rin's body was not here; she could still be alive. He stepped over the bodies, searching for any clues that would shed some light on who had done this and where Rin could be now. The fire neko nudged a few bodies, and he saw the monk, kitsune, and demon slayer get up, bruised and bleeding, but alive. He wanted to slay them all for being unable to protect his Rin.

There, to the east, that's where her scent went. "You," he said, pointing at the miko, "come with me and bring my useless brother." He transformed and ran to the east, to his Rin.

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Kagome dragged Inuyasha to Kilala and slung him over the fire neko's back. "I will protect you," she whispered to the neko, rubbing the area above Kilala's nose.

Kilala mewed.

"Let's go!" Kagome said, grabbing Rin's discarded bow and arrows, getting on Kilala's back, and urging the large neko forward.

"Kagome!" Miroku yelled. "Wait!"

"There's no time," she whispered. "Faster! We need to keep up with Sesshomaru."

Inuyasha's unconscious form was behind her, leaning on her, his arms at her sides.

Gods, this couldn't be happening to her. Naraku was dead; no one should have been able to give her this dread, cause her this pain ever again. No one should have been able to cut down Inuyasha; no one even tried anymore. He had proved himself over and over again, but here he lay, on her back, his heart ripped out of his body. Tears streamed down her face as she remembered the exact moment she knew, the moment she knew that everything was wrong.

At sundown, as she was reading to Izayoi, the mark on her neck had begun to burn.

"Kagome!" Sango said. "Your neck; it's bleeding!"

"What?" she said, touching the mark, feeling her neck slick with blood.

Something roared and she ran outside, seeing Sesshomaru transformed and running in the sky above Inuyasha's Forest. She called Kilala and followed, knowing that Sesshomaru was somehow tied to everything. When they landed she knew that Inuyasha was dead, knew that she was too late to save him; she cried bitter tears. Then Sesshomaru brought him back, called him back from the grave, but he wasn't Inuyasha.

When Inuyasha's body opened its eyes, she knew it was the demon—not Inuyasha—that resided in those depths. But she still had power over him; she was his mate; he recognized her scent. And she could subdue him. "Thank you, Kaede," she whispered, and a star blinked at her.

The demon Inuyasha woke behind her, digging its claws into Kilala's hind legs. Kilala growled but didn't buck them off. 

"Inuyasha," Kagome said, grabbing his arms and putting them around her stomach. She leaned back and let him sniff her neck. He licked the mark and a shiver ran down her body, forcing a groan from her lips. Now was not the time. She leaned forward and urged Kilala to go faster.

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Sesshomaru reached the end of the trail. "Rin!" he roared. He stomped his remaining front paw, making the mountains shiver.

The miko hung in the air, his brother awake and now intent on ravishing her. She pushed him off the fire neko. "Sit boy!" she said, and he hit the ground, subdued by the spell. She drew an arrow and fired, her sacred power knocking down a barrier he hadn't even seen and lighting the way.

The forest shimmered and then disappeared, replaced with a rocky mountain slope. A demon stood just behind where the barrier used to be, Rin in his arms and Inuyasha's heart in his hand.

"What a nice gift: you brought me the hanyou," it said.

"Die, demon!" the miko screamed, shooting a sacred arrow at the demon. The arrow was reflected back and the miko put up a barrier, protecting her and the neko. "Ha! You'll have to better than that; I've seen that one before!"

Before she could attack again, Sesshomaru pounced on the demon, his back feet pinning the demon to the ground, the impact throwing Rin out of harm's way. Sesshomaru bared his fangs.

The demon laughed and clutched Inuyasha's heart. "Inuyasha!"

Inuyasha rose from the ground, growling.

"Attack!"

Inuyasha roared and flung himself at Sesshomaru, throwing his blades of blood in front of him. Sesshomaru jumped away, releasing the demon, and growled low in his throat, trying to force Inuyasha to submit, to acknowledge he was the alpha male. Inuyasha was only going on instinct now.

"Ha!" the demon said. "He cannot hear you! I have his heart!" It stood and stretched, enjoying the sight before it.

"Sit boy!" the miko yelled, and Inuyasha went crashing to the ground.

"I can't have you interfering with my new toy," the demon said, and it flung a replica of the wind scar at the miko, knocking the miko and neko out of the sky.

Sesshomaru faced the demon. "Who are you?"

The demon shook its head and waved its hand. "It doesn't matter who I am because in the end, you won't be alive to know me. Let's just say, I want the Western Land's."

Sesshomaru growled.

"Inuyasha, rise!" the demon said.

Inuyasha got up again, his silver hair hiding his face, a deep growl emitting from his throat.

"Kill Sesshomaru!"

Inuyasha unsheathed the Tetsaiga, which—amazingly—transformed. His brother could even control the Tetsaiga in his demon form; he was a formidable opponent after all. Inuyasha ran, jumping, the fang transforming into the dragon-scaled blade, and hit Sesshomaru, causing him to step back and transform back into his human form. He lay on the ground, his body bruised but not broken; the Tenseiga had protected him, and Inuyasha's sloppiness could be thanked as well—his brother had not mastered Tetsaiga's newest attack.

"My Lord?" a soft voice called.

Rin got up, holding her arm, trying to dull the pain from the arrow graze with pressure. "My Lord?"

"Rin," he said, getting up and drawing the Tenseiga.

"Ah, your little ward is awake," the demon said. "How beautiful she is! She will fetch a high price."

Sesshomaru's eyes turned red but he didn't transform. "This ends here: Dragon Strike!" Tenseiga's energy transformed into a dragon and attacked the demon, engulfing the demon in its blue lightning. When the dust cleared, the demon wasn't standing.

Sesshomaru collapsed.

"My Lord!" Rin screamed, running to his side.

Before she could reach him a hand struck her, knocking her to the ground. The demon rolled its shoulder. "You didn't think it'd be that easy, did you?" Rin didn't get up.

Sesshomaru growled but was unable to pick himself up. "Leave her alone."

"But why?" the demon said, crouching before Sesshomaru. "Is she your greatest joy, your best prize—does she warm your bed nicely?"

Sesshomaru clenched his fist and tried to get up again. He failed.

The demon stood. "I had hoped you would be more sport than this, but I guess we can't all get what we want—you certainly can't." He picked up Rin and slung her over his shoulder. "Well," he said, closing his fist and drawing blood, "I will kill you with your brother's weakest attack."

The miko's arrow interrupted him. He scowled. "Still alive?"

The miko advanced and stood between him and the demon, an arrow nocked. "Let her go."

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R & R.

But I need reviews; I need reviews or I will explode—that happens to me sometimes.


	6. Chapter 6

**All That I'm Living For**

**Disclaimer: Inuyasha is not mine, so these characters are not mine.**

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**Chapter Six**

Rin opened her eyes and saw the backside of the demon; she was slung over his shoulder. Her throat burned where he'd hit her, and she gulped, grimacing. "Lord Sesshomaru," she whispered.

"Let her go!" Kagome said.

_Kagome! _Rin thought. If anyone could save her—besides her Lord—then it was the priestess.

"Now, why would I let my little prize go?" the demon said, chuckling.

Rin kicked the demon in the face with her heel.

He hissed and dropped her, covering his nose with his hands; blood poured from it.

She rolled and ran to Lord Sesshomaru, who was leaning on his elbows, relief etching his face when she threw herself against his body. He patted her head. "My Rin," he whispered.

"Lord Sesshomaru, you're hurt," she said, seeing the cracks in his armor.

"Inuyasha!" the demon said, still covering his nose. "Bring the girl to me!"

Inuyasha dragged his body up from the ground and walked to Rin and Sesshomaru.

"No!" Kagome said, dropping the arrow and putting her arms up to block Inuyasha. He stopped.

The demon clenched Inuyasha's heart, making the hanyou scream. "Do as I say!"

Inuyasha stepped forward. "Inuyasha, stop!" Kagome yelled. He stopped.

"I am your master, not this priestess; obey me!" Inuyasha screamed again as the demon crushed his heart.

Kagome put her arms around Inuyasha's body and offered her neck to him. He sniffed her and his demon aura lessened a little. He wrapped her in his arms and nuzzled her, growling low in his throat.

"Who are you?" the demon said, putting his hands down, dried blood encrusted around his mouth.

"His mate." Kagome glared at him.

"A demon and a priestess? Oh, now I've seen everything. Sesshomaru—the great dog demon—caring for a human child, and his brother mated to a priestess; dog's truly are man's best friend, aren't they?" The demon laughed.

Kagome pushed Inuyasha behind her and drew her bow string back, an arrow poised at the demon's head.

"Now, Inuyasha! The girl!"

Kagome gasped, dropping her weapon and turned around, seeing Inuyasha jump forward towards Sesshomaru and Rin. She thrust herself between him and Rin, catching the brunt of his attack; his claws sank into her flesh and she screamed. His eyes grew wide and he stepped back. "Sit boy," she said weakly, subduing him. She collapsed before Rin and Sesshomaru.

"Kagome!" Rin screamed, shaking the stunned priestess.

"Rin, the bow-" Kagome said, trying to stand.

Rin grabbed the bow and arrow and helped Kagome to her feet. Kagome stood, unsteady, but she stood. She drew the bow string back.

The demon called, "Inuyasha-"

"Sit," Kagome whispered. "Sit, sit, sit!" Tears streamed down her face as Inuyasha screamed, his body grinding into the ground.

"Get up!" the demon screamed, urging Inuyasha with his hands—as if the motions would help the hanyou stand.

"It ends here," Kagome said.

Rin saw Kikyo's silhouette as Kagome loosed her arrow, the dead priestess's hair flying back, a determined look on her face. The demon growled and threw up its hands, trying to protect itself, but the arrow pierced his barrier and blew apart his flesh. Inuyasha's heart went flying. Rin ran after it, clutching it to her chest.

The demon's head was still intact. It narrowed its eyes. "I am not-"

Sesshomaru's poison claw ripped through its head, turning its body to dust. Rin watched her Lord, amazed as he stood tall, blood dripping down his white hakama. Kagome still stood with her bow, looking at the place where the demon had been.

"Rin," Sesshomaru said, beckoning her to Inuyasha's body.

Rin gave the heart to her Lord and watched as he replaced it in his brother's body, using the Tenseiga to restore the heart to its former beat. Inuyasha sighed, his hair turning black again, his claws rounding into nails, and his dog ears receding into his hair.

Kagome collapsed, and groaned, leaning forward, her hands clutching her stomach.

"Kagome!" Rin said, running to her.

Kagome had jagged cuts down her stomach, some oozing blood. She was breathing hard and her pupils were dilated. Rin saw blood pool around her lower body. "My Lord! Something's wrong!"

Sesshomaru watched as Kagome continued to bleed. "There is nothing I can do."

"What do you mean? If she's dying, can't you-"

He shook his head. "The baby."

Tears slipped down Rin's cheeks as she held Kagome, rocking her as she began to sob. "I know, I know," she whispered, brushing Kagome's hair, "cry, let it all out." Rin remembered the joy in Kagome's face when she said she was pregnant—had envied Kagome's joy—and now it was all dashed to pieces.

Inuyasha groaned and sat up, shaking his head. "Kagome?" he said, seeing his mate clinging to Rin, tears streaming down her eyes and blood pooled around her body. "Are you hurt?" he said, getting up.

Rin got out of the way.

Kagome continued to sob, shaking her head. "The baby," she whispered.

"What?"

"The baby's gone!" she wailed, clinging to his hakama.

"What, how did this-" He grabbed her and held her tightly to his chest as she shook. She dug her nails into his skin.

"Let's go, Rin," Sesshomaru said, walking away.

Rin looked at her Lord, unsure. Kagome needed-

"There's nothing you can do; let them grieve," Sesshomaru said softly, taking her hand and leading her away.

"Yes, my Lord," she said mechanically, watching as the sun rose and Inuyasha changed back to a hanyou, clutching his grieving mate to his chest, tears streaming down his face.

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They walked for what seemed like an eternity to Rin. She trailed behind her Lord, crying, mourning Kagome and Inuyasha's loss. The gods were cruel and spiteful; how could they let that happen to them, after all they had been through? The rest of their lives should have been easy by comparison, but—she screamed, unable to keep her anger at bay anymore.

Sesshomaru whipped around, Tenseiga unsheathed. "Rin!"

She ran at him and beat his chest with her fists, her hands sustaining cuts from his armor. "Why couldn't you do anything? How could you just leave them there? Why didn't you come in time?"

Sesshomaru dropped Tenseiga and fell to his knees, letting her hit him. He tore his armor apart, giving her easier access to his body.

"Why didn't you come for me sooner? Why did you leave me to suffer without you? I hate you!" she screamed, and shoved him onto his back. She straddled him, her hands at his throat, squeezing.

"Rin," he gasped. He didn't stop her.

Tears poured down her cheeks. She could feel his blood as it pulsed through his veins, the unnatural heat of his skin. His eyes were dazed and his cheeks were wet; had he been crying? She blinked and jumped away from him, wringing her hands.

He sat up and looked at her. Tears were flowing down his cheeks.

"My Lord?" she whispered, afraid of the emotions that were forcing their way to the surface.

He hung his head, his tears dripping down into the ground, his face obscured by his hair. He growled low in his throat and came at her.

She flinched, expecting a blow, but he instead forced her body to the ground, nipping at the flesh of her neck, tasting her with his tongue, just as she had done a few nights ago. "I'm sorry," he said, and got up, taking her hands and lifting her up.

She stood, dazed, and watched as he walked away. She followed.

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Sesshomaru listened to her steps as she followed him. He had failed her, and yet she still followed him. She said she hated him, and yet she still followed him. She blamed him, and yet she still followed him. What was it about humans that gave them the capacity to keep going? Why did they persist, despite all the harm that could befall them? Why was she still following him?

His wounds had healed over the course of the day, slowly, but they had healed. He should have stopped a long time ago, given his body time to heal before journeying to his castle in the Western Lands. But he couldn't stop himself, couldn't let her angered gaze fall on him again, couldn't give himself time to weep and fall apart. All he had left was his pride, but he would discard it now if it would make her love him again.

She had seen him cry, had been the one to make him cry. It was an unreal experience for him; he never cried, not even when his father had died some hundred years ago. As she beat his body and cursed him, the tears had flowed, steady and sure, until the novelty of the experience forced her to stop, to look at him and see his shame.

When he lashed out at her he didn't know what to expect, hadn't thought he'd hurt her, but he couldn't stop himself, and he had forced her down, tasting her sweat and tears, feeling her ragged breath on his ear. He had whispered those words easily, without hesitation, words that he had uttered to no one. Who was this creature that could bring the great Lord Sesshomaru to his knees?

He heard a thud behind him and turned to find Rin unconscious. He picked her up carefully, and carried her until they reached a suitable campsite, her arms curled around his neck and her warm breath on his chest. She groaned when he put her down, but didn't wake. He made a fire and cooked a fresh kill, preparing a meal for her when she woke.

The stars shown through the leaves, and a slim waxing crescent peeked from behind a cloud. Cicada's resonated around them, and a night flower bloomed. His brother and the miko were probably on their way home now, both forcing themselves forward. He knew they had another pup, would take solace in their remaining pup's life. They would have other pups, but this one—the one they lost—would always haunt them. He really couldn't have done anything; the fetus wasn't viable yet, couldn't live beyond the womb, and he couldn't heal the miko's womb.

"My Lord?"

He didn't look at her, just continued to look up at the sky, his body stretched out over the grass. She curled up against his body. "Rin." 

"I'm sorry," she said, sniffling. "I didn't mean it." 

He said nothing.

"I was angry. I could never hate you, my Lord," she said, burying her face into his hair and inhaling his scent, "I love you too much."

His heart stopped. "Rin-"

"I know you can never love me, my Lord, but I will always love you, and I will never leave you again!" she sobbed, throwing herself onto his chest.

He looked down at the woman on his chest and gulped. She-

"Please forgive me, my Lord!" she pleaded, looking into his eyes.

He touched her face with his claw. "There is nothing to forgive, Rin; you did nothing wrong."

"But I left," she hiccupped, "and I almost had you killed. And the b-b-baby-"

His eyes hardened and he grabbed her shoulder and shook her. "The baby was not your fault; these things happen; that's why Kagome stayed back the first time."

"B-but-"

"No, even if you hadn't been there, Inuyasha still would have been hurt and she still would have gone after the demon, possibly still losing the baby in the process; it's not your fault." He hugged her, feeling her body shake. "If you hadn't been there," he said, his voice softer, "I would not have been able to bring him back."

She quieted a little and soon was asleep again, her torso still on his chest. Her heart beat against his own, and in time, his beat with hers. They slept.

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R & R.

BTW: In the 3rd movie, Sesshomaru uses the Tokijin and the Tenseiga for "Dragon Strike." I think Sesshomaru's attacks are based on his ability and not the swords abilities. Tokijin is broken when he battles with Moryomaru. This is post-Naraku, so he has no Tokijin.

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	7. Chapter 7

**All That I'm Living For**

**Disclaimer: Inuyasha is not mine, so these characters are not mine.**

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**Chapter Seven**

Rin woke, tucked under her Lord's strong arm, her body pressed to him, his hand gently stroking her hair. She looked up at his face and saw his amber eyes staring up into the sky, seemingly unaware that she had woken. She placed her head on his chest, over his heart, and listened to the beat, her eyes closing, the sound almost lulling her back to sleep.

"Rin," he said.

"Yes, my Lord?" she murmured, her ear still pressed close to his chest, her eyes closed.

"We should go."

"Just a little longer," she said, the words slipping out of her mouth before she could stop them. Tears threatened to pour down her face; what was wrong with her? She never disobeyed her Lord, and now she was doing it all the time.

He said nothing, just continued to play with her hair, and then moving his hand down her body, gently stroking her back, causing her to moan. She tensed; oh god she needed to get away from him, before her body betrayed her. She pulled away from him and stood up. "You're right, my Lord: we should go." She turned on her heel and walked away.

She clenched her fists. The torture was coming back—the sweet torture of her everyday life. She was falling again, falling into her Lord's eyes, tripping after his every step. Her body was betraying her at every step, making her clumsy and hot; her body burned for him.

He walked beside her, shortening his gait so she wouldn't need to rush to keep up with him. She peered at him from the corner of her eye, confused; her Lord never walked with her: he walked before her. Why was he so close? He never came this close to her of his own free will; she was the one who went to him, the one who initiated contact. Her hand brushed his and she flinched, looking away, towards the ground.

"Why do you flinch?" he asked,

"I'm sorry, my Lord; I shouldn't have touched you," she said, slowing her step so she could walk behind him.

He slowed, not letting her slip behind him. "I have not reprimanded you."

"I know, my Lord," she said, turning her face away and covering it with her hand, so he couldn't see her panic. "I, um, it's just-"

He took her hand away from her face and held it, palm-to-palm, his claws gently scratching her hand.

She gasped, stopping, his momentum forcing him to look at her as he rounded. "My Lord!" She did not pull her hand from his.

He held it in his hand, studying its lines and contours, then looked at her. "Is there something wrong, Rin?"

"No," she said as he led her away, her hand still in his.

Rin's rational thought processes stopped as they walked. Her Lord was holding her hand; she had dreamed of this day for years, the day when he would—of his own volition—reach out and take her hand. It had been a fantasy, of course, because her Lord detested humans, but she couldn't help but dream and hope, and now, here he was, holding her hand. Tears slipped down her cheeks.

He stopped and she bumped into him. He released her hand, placing it on his chest, and lifted her chin, staring into her eyes. "Why are you crying?"

"What?"

He ran a claw down her cheek, tracing the trail of her tears. "You're crying."

"I, I'm, well-" She had nothing to say; she couldn't tell him her secret wish, even though it had come true. She was afraid if she told him this, the rest would come rushing out and she would die of embarrassment.

"Please don't cry," he said softly.

She sniffled. "I will try, my Lord."

He didn't push the issue, just grabbed her hand and walked with her until it was dark. She laced her fingers with his and leaned against him, inhaling his scent.

"We will camp here for the night, Rin," he said when the moon was high in the sky.

"Yes, my Lord," she said.

He released her hand and she whimpered softly. "I will not leave you, Rin."

Rin closed her eyes, embarrassed again. She hadn't meant to whimper; it had just come out. She wanted to pull her hair out and scream. "I know, my Lord," was all she said.

"We will bathe before we sleep tonight, in the hot springs."

Rin realized that the temperature was hotter than usual. He had chosen this place because of it's vicinity to the hot springs. Her Lord had said he wouldn't leave her; would he bathe with her? She blushed and held her hands to her cheeks.

"What's wrong, Rin?"

"Nothing," she said, "I am just," she rolled her shoulders, "sore."

"I see; come this way." He led her to the hot springs, turning his back to her as she undressed and slipped beneath the water.

"My Lord," she said after she had settled in one place. She closed her eyes as he undressed and climbed in besides her.

"Rin," he said.

She opened her eyes. He sat next to her, his silver hair pooling around his body—just as she had seen when they were home, except he was seated beside her. His eyes were closed and he leaned against the rock, his body relaxing as the heat soothed his muscles. "Let me wash your hair, my Lord," she said.

He turned his back to her and she gently washed the dried blood and dirt from his hair, pulling out leaves and other things she couldn't identify. After she was done, she kneaded his shoulders, washing his neck and back, pouring water down his body. He leaned against her and the contact made her shudder; her Lord had never touched her naked body before, had never seen her naked body as far as she was aware. She pulled away from him and dipped under the water, wetting her hair and effectively stopping her shaking. She crouched in the water, keeping her body below the water level, as he turned around.

"Come, Rin," he said.

What did he want? She didn't want him to see her ugly body, but she couldn't disobey him. She stood and walked to him. His eyes grew wide as he saw her naked form, but he turned her around and had her sit between his legs. He washed her hair, running his hand down her neck and back. She stifled a moan and forced herself to sit straight.

"Come," he said, and he led her to a deeper part of the springs. "Lean back." She put her head back and he combed the knots out of her hair, his eyes looking down into hers, never straying. When he was done he led her back to the rocks and sat beside her, not looking at her.

"I'm sorry, my Lord," she said. Her form had disgusted him.

"Why?"

"For being ugly."

"Rin, you are not ugly." He still wouldn't look at her.

"I must be; you detest humans; how can I not-"

"You are not ugly," he said, finally looking at her.

She could see he meant it. She wasn't ugly? How could she not be ugly to her Lord? He hated humans. She felt a fluttering in her stomach as she watched his eyes travel down her body, his demon eyes seeing beneath the water, seeing her private places. She stood and let him look; he turned her gently, touching her lightly on her waist until she was again facing him.

"You could never be ugly," he whispered, his voice deep.

Oh god, she was standing before her Lord, naked, and he admired her. It was as if she was dreaming. Could it be that her Lord was actually reading her thoughts and just playing with her? No, he was not cruel. First he held her hand, and then he admired her body. If this was all he gave her, she would die happy.

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Sesshomaru watched as her eyes darkened. He could smell her arousal, but he wouldn't take her, not here, not now. He turned away from her and stood, his hair covering his body. "Come, Rin," he said, and he dressed, keeping his back to her as she dressed. He walked to the campsite, got a fire going, and caught something for her to eat.

He wasn't sure what had overcome him this afternoon when he had taken her hand. All he knew was that he had done it and could not stop himself. He didn't understand her tears; she hadn't appeared to understand them either, so he let it go. She harbored—he knew—a secret desire to know him better, to have him love her as no man would be allowed to, and until she ran away, he let her keep her secret.

But now, now he wouldn't let her keep it. He would give her exactly what she wanted—in his time. He couldn't lose her again, couldn't let his pride get in the way anymore, now that he knew she still loved him. He had promised himself that if she could still love him after his complete failure to protect her, he would let his pride go, let himself love her as he should have before this catastrophe.

His brother's pup was gone. Guilt built up over the passed couple days; was there really nothing he could have done? He made quite the show of rationalizing everything, but he felt the pain Inuyasha and the miko felt, deep but hidden. Rin blamed herself, but she was powerless; he was the great Sesshomaru, and in the end, he had been powerless as well. The miko had chosen her mate over the child, and that said something about humans and their capacity to cope. Would the loss of Inuyasha be greater than the loss of another girl child? If the child had been a boy, would the miko have still risked the baby's life to save her mate's? If his Rin were put in the same position, would she do the same thing?

He growled. His Rin would never be put in that position; he would make sure of that.

"My Lord?" she said, looking at him.

He blinked. "Rin."

"Are you all right?" she said, putting her hand on his shoulder.

"I am fine. We should sleep." 

He got up and circled the camp a few times, satisfied that they were a sufficient distance from any demons that might come lurking at night. He lay down and beckoned Rin to him. She came shyly, looking at him from beneath her lashes. He pulled her down on his body and listened as her breathing steadied and she slept.

"Sesshomaru," she murmured in her sleep, and she tugged at his hakama.

He held her tighter, nuzzling her hair, kissing her lightly on the head. "Rin."

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Inuyasha watched as Kagome retreated into a dark place in her mind. She had barely spoken since they lost the baby; even Izayoi couldn't get her to come out of her shell. It had been two days; the pain was still fresh. They set up a small marker next to his mother's, and it read, _Kikyo_. It seemed that even the very name—Kikyo—was cursed. They had agreed that if it was a girl, she would be named Kikyo.

Before Kikyo had died Kagome had once again gone through a trial by fire and had succeeded in saving Kikyo's soul, but not her body, and the two women had parted on better terms. Kagome had given him time to deal with Kikyo's death and they had moved on. With the second child on the way, she had suggested they name her Kikyo, in honor of his first love and her previous incarnation.

He pulled her to his chest and smoothed her hair. He rocked her gently and sang.

Come over here lady   
Let me wipe your tears away  
Come a little nearer baby   
Cause you'll heal over  
Heal over  
Heal over someday

She cried. "I'm sorry."

"Shh, it's not your fault. I shouldn't have gone out; I should have stayed home," he said.

"You didn't know-"

"And neither did you," he replied.

"Oh god, if Rin hadn't been there-"

"But she was, and Sesshomaru came and brought me back to life, so you don't have to go over that scenario anymore."

"If he hadn't come-"

"But he did," he said, shaking her and looking her in the eye. "He came and saved me."

"The baby!" she wailed.

Tears coursed down his cheeks. "Even Sesshomaru couldn't have saved the baby."

"I chose you over the baby!"

He held her. "I know, I know." He rocked her again. "We'll be okay."

"Did I not love her enough?" she whispered, her face against his chest.

"Of course you love her; if you could make the choice again, would you do the same?"

She paused, the whispered, "yes."

"I will never put you in that position again."

She looked up at him, her eyes bleary and red. "Promise me."

"I promise," he said softly and kissed her.

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R & R. Lyrics from KT Tunstall's "Heal Over."

There had been no plan to kill the baby; it's how the story evolved. I have plotted nothing since I started this story, so everything just comes about in its own way. There will be—as far as I can tell—no more deaths.


	8. Chapter 8

**All That I'm Living For**

**Disclaimer: Inuyasha is not mine, so these characters are not mine.**

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**Chapter Eight**

The entered the gates of the Western Palace the next day. Her Lord had decided it would be best to just carry her the whole way home instead of walking, so he picked her and carried her, and they were home in no time. A grateful Ah-Un came to greet her, nuzzling her neck until she laughed. "I am fine!" she exclaimed to the dragon.

"And what trouble did you get Lord Sesshomaru into this time, young lady?" Jaken said, coming at her with his staff.

Sesshomaru kicked him in the face. "Should you ever forget to mention anything pertaining to Rin's safety ever again, Jaken, I will kill you." He left the imp on the ground, a red foot print on his face.

"Wait for me, my Lord," Rin said, skipping over the body of Jaken. She walked behind her Lord.

"Walk with me, Rin," he said, not looking at her.

"Yes, my Lord." Rin took her place on his right and walked with him until they reached their rooms.

"When you are ready, come to me." He walked into his room and slid the door shut behind him.

Rin went into her cold room, closed the door, and then slid down until she was seated, her back leaning against the door. She was home. How she had missed being home, but she had also enjoyed her time with her Lord; oh god how she had enjoyed it. She giggled and got up, walking to her mirror and staring at her reflection with dismay. Her Lord had seen her like this? She was clean but her clothes were torn and battered, dirt and blood smeared all over the cloth. She gathered a new set of clothes and went to bathe.

The hot water soothed her tired muscles. She sighed and sank lower, until her nose was just above the water. Her thoughts were drawn back to last night, when her Lord had bathed with her; she could still feel his nails as they gently tugged at her hair. When he had stared at her and told her she was not ugly she wanted to jump and kiss him, but she refrained from doing so; at least she had spared herself that indignity. She may not be ugly in her Lord's eyes, but she was still human. How could she face him if she had jumped him, their naked bodies pressed together, their lips touching . . . . She sighed. That was something he would never commit to, and she should just stop dreaming about it. But she couldn't.

She got out, dried herself, and pulled on a clean yukata, dark purple with pink butterflies and a yellow obi. She slipped on her white tabi's and continued to dry her hair as she walked to her room. Her reflection was much improved now that she had bathed: her cheeks were red and her eyes refreshed. A soft knock sounded on the door.

"Come in," she said.

Master Jaken came in, his head down, not looking at her.

"Master Jaken, are you okay?" she said, turning around and looking at the little imp.

He looked up, tears in his eyes. "Rin . . . I am sorry. I didn't know you were in trouble."

She looked at him, confused. Where was the Master Jaken she knew and, well, knew.

"I spoke with my Lord, and, well, he didn't say much, but, he said that, um, you were kidnapped and-" Tears flooded his eyes and he threw himself at her feet.

Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth. What was wrong with this little green man? Why was he weeping at her feet?

"If anything had happened to you I don't know how I could live!" he said, his voice muffled by the tatami mat.

She kneeled down and placed her hand on his head; the skin was uncomfortable to touch, but she kept her hand there, trying to soothe him. "Oh, Master Jaken, I am fine; everything is fine. Lord Sesshomaru saved me." 

"Only because he's alert; I didn't tell him you were going to fight a demon!" he wailed.

Rin grimaced. She liked Master Jaken better when he was fighting with her. "Master Jaken, don't worry about it. I am fine, our Lord is fine, and soon everything will be forgotten." She stood up.

"Will you forgive me?" he said, looking up at her from his bow.

She offered him her hand. "There is nothing to forgive, Master Jaken."

He took it and stood up, jumping from one foot to the other. "Please don't tell my Lord what I said."

She arched an eyebrow. "About how you can't live without me? Do you have a crush on me, Master Jaken?" She giggled, covering her mouth with her sleeve.

His eyes grew wide. "You insolent girl!" If he had his staff it looked like he would have hit her with it.

She laughed and shooed him out the door. "Don't worry," she whispered before she closed the door, "I won't say anything as long as you behave."

"What?! How dare you-" She closed the door, muffling his words. He stomped away from her door.

Rin combed her damp hair, releasing the knots. _I wish he were here, brushing my hair for me_, she thought. Her long back hair touched the floor as she sat in front of her vanity. She should wait until her hair was dry before she went to her Lord, but she couldn't wait, couldn't deny herself the pleasure of his company, even if it meant her hair would be wet and she would have to be careful to keep it from wetting his floors and her clothes.

She pulled her hair up and looked at her reflection, turning her face side to side. What if she put it up like Kagome did? It would kinda solve the problem of getting her obi and yukata wet, but not by much. She pulled her hair into a bun, using ivory hashi to keep it in place; she'd never realized how heavy her hair was until she piled it all on her head. But it kept her clothes dry and she wouldn't have to worry about wetting her Lord's fresh tatami mats. She loosed a few hairs from the bun, so her face wasn't pulled as severely back and grunted: she was ready.

She knocked softly on his door.

"Come."

She entered, looking at the ground, closing the door behind her, and then kneeled before him, her eyes still looking down. The hems of his robes were clean and white and he radiated wet heat; he had bathed.

"Rin, why are you looking down?" he said, lifting her chin.

"I, um, well, it's ah-" She didn't know. Ever since the bath last night she had felt a profound respect and nervousness around her Lord; she seemed to be reverting back to ceremonial formality.

"There is no one who can command you to bow before them," he said, releasing her chin.

_Except you_, she thought.

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Sesshomaru sucked in his breath when she entered the room; her hair was up, exposing the soft flesh of her neck. He wanted to bite into her, but stopped himself, sitting rigidly in his chair. Her small fingers combed through his hair as she brushed, and the silence was tense and heated. She lightly touched his ear as she brought his hair back away from his face and he shuddered.

"My Lord?"

He said nothing.

After she was done brushing she began to massage his shoulder, leaning into his body as she kneaded the tense muscles. She moved his hair out of her way and he leaned his head to the right, to give her easier access. Her scent increased at his action, and he could almost see her remembering the night she had kissed him on his neck. She leaned hesitantly against him, her breath hot on his right ear. He closed his eyes as she kissed his neck once more.

"Rin."

"I'm sorry my Lord," she said, jumping away from him.

He turned around and saw her trying to flee. "Do not go," he commanded, standing.

She stood at the door, her eyes on the ground, back to him, shaking.

He put his hand on her right shoulder, causing her to tense. He leaned down and whispered, "Do not be afraid." He kissed her neck, nuzzling the sensitive flesh with his nose.

She moaned and leaned against him, her eyes closed. Her scent increased and he felt the demon in him increase, his eyes ringed in red.

He turned her around and kissed her, forcefully, on the lips. Her arms circled his neck and she deepened the kiss, her tongue slipping into his mouth. His body pushed her against the door and his hips grated into her. She moaned again, and pulled away from him, looking into his eyes. "My Lord?"

He kissed her again, silencing her questions, leading her to the bed but never taking his lips from hers. The obi came undone and he pushed her yukata to the ground; she undid his clothes and they slithered into his bed. He covered her body with his and kissed her neck, sucking at it. She arched her back, pressing herself tightly against him, causing him to groan. His hand ran down her body, touching her hips and breasts. He turned over and held her to his chest. He pulled the hashi from her hair and it fell down around them, a black river next to his silver one.

She looked down at him, her eyes studying his face. He brushed the hair out of her face, behind her ears, cupping her cheek and softly running his claw under her eye. "Rin," he said.

"Sesshomaru," she replied softly. She blushed, her eye lashes fluttering.

He kissed her, drawing her down to his body, crushing her against him. He slipped his leg between her legs and felt the wetness there. She groaned as he rubbed his knee against her and sat up. Her nails scraped his chest as she admired his torso, and she leaned over and bit his nipple softly.

He growled and flipped her on her back. If anyone was going to do any biting tonight, it was he. He rubbed himself against her, and she bucked her hips, giving him entrance. "This will hurt for a moment," he whispered as he pushed into her. She clenched the sheets but said nothing, gritting her teeth as he entered her fully. He waited as she adjusted and began to thrust slowly, letting her get used to him. She moaned and he sped up.

"More," she said, gasping.

He pushed farther, faster.

"More," she said, dragging her nails down his back.

Faster.

She groaned and her hips began to move with him, meeting him as he thrust into her. He buried his head into her neck and licked the soft flesh there, growling as she took him deeper. He felt himself approaching a cliff and soon he jumped off, hearing her cries as they rang through his chamber, his teeth sunk deep into her neck. He lapped at the blood there as they came down from their high. He lay beside her and pulled her body to his, both sweating profusely.

"Rin," he whispered.

"Yes, Sesshomaru?" she said softly.

He smiled. "Nothing."

"You bit me," she said after a few minutes, gingerly touching the spot where his teeth had sunk into her flesh.

He held her tightly and nodded.

"Why?" She looked at him.

"You are my mate, Rin," he said softly.

She began to cry.

Perhaps he should have asked her if she wanted to be his mate; he had never mated with a human before. "Why are you crying?"

Her hands covered her face and her sobs were shaking the bed.

He pushed her back on the bed and hovered over her, trying to see her face. He pulled her hands away and was greeted with her smiling face.

"I love you, Sesshomaru," she said, pulling him down onto her body and kissing him.

He smelled her arousal and felt himself harden. He loved her.

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Rin woke the next morning, Sesshomaru's arm around her body. She sighed and snuggled closer to him, running her fingers over his chest. A deep rumbling emitted from his chest. "Are you purring, Sesshomaru?" She couldn't get enough of saying his name now, without the 'Lord' attached to it.

He smiled and opened his eyes, kissing her lightly on the head. "Dogs do not purr."

"That wasn't barking," she teased.

He shrugged. "It wasn't a purr either." He got up from the bed and stretched.

Rin felt the knot in her stomach begin to unfurl as she watched his body. He was perfect, even with missing an arm. She sat up and beckoned him to her. "Come here," she said,

He crawled to her until he was leaning over her. "Yes, my mistress," he said, licking her neck.

"Make love to me," she said, and he did, softly and with passion. Afterwards he dressed and left her, going in search of some food.

She sighed and threw her legs over the edge of the bed. It wasn't until she tried to stand that she felt the soreness of her body. She wobbled to the balcony and stood looking out over the Western Lands, the ache in the nether regions slowly receding to the background.

She was Lady of all this. The mountains stretched out before her and she could see small columns of smoke coming from villages fires in the distance. She had dreamed—had hoped—to be her Lord's—no wait, Sesshomaru's—mate, but had never thought it would come true, even in her wildest dreams. She was surprised last night when he kissed her, and more surprised when he led her to the bed, but she had resigned herself to the idea of warming his bed and never being his mate; she was utterly his creature as she had told Shippo. If he demanded that she jump off a cliff she would have.

But when he had called her his mate, she was overcome with happiness. He had chosen her, out of everyone on the planet he had chosen her, a human, a being she thought he detested, and she cried. She had frightened him a little, but she couldn't stop the tears. He appeared to be soothed when she smiled, and he had looked at her so tenderly that she almost let loose another wave of tears.

He was now her Sesshomaru. She could imagine Jaken's face when he found out. She giggled.

"What's so funny?" he said, coming up behind her and kissing her softly on the neck.

"Jaken will be disappointed by his drop in rank."

He grunted. "Jaken has always been the lowest on the food chain."

She laughed and turning around, embracing him. "Sesshomaru."

"Hmm?" he said, putting his arm around her.

"Nothing, I just love to say your name."

He took her hand and led her back into the room. "I will make you scream my name."

"I will try not to disappoint you," she said as he covered her body with his.

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R & R.

Not over yet; at least one more chapter. So, wadda you all think?


	9. Chapter 9

**All That I'm Living For**

**Disclaimer: Inuyasha is not mine, so these characters are not mine.**

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**Chapter Nine**

"Lady Rin!" Izayoi exclaimed as Rin and Sesshomaru walked into Kaede's village, followed by Ah-Un and Jaken.

Rin bent down and picked up the little girl, hugging her.

Izayoi sniffed her neck. "Aunty Rin," she amended and then turned her gaze to her Uncle.

"Uncle Sesshomaru," she said, nodding her head to the great demon and squirming out of Rin's grasp.

He nodded back and said nothing.

"Mommy's better now," Izayoi said as she escorted them to the hut. "She was 'in trouble'—as Daddy called it—for a couple month's after she lost the baby, but now she can be happy because she's having another baby in a few months." Izayoi smiled up at Rin, and then turned her gaze to Jaken. "Hey!" she said stopping, her hands on her hips, glaring at Jaken. "I bet you didn't tell Uncle about me."

Jaken looked in another direction. "You cannot command me to tell my Lord anything."

"Master Jaken," Rin said.

Jaken jumped. He hated it when she called him 'Master Jaken': something bad always happened. A rock flew at his head. "I'm sorry," he said, bowing before the little girl.

Izayoi nodded and skipped ahead of them. "Mommy, Aunty and Uncle are here!"

"Aunty and Uncle?" Kagome said, stepping out of the hut, sweat dripping down her brow. "Aunty and Uncle?" she said, staring at Rin and Sesshomaru.

Rin grinned but her mate looked off in another direction. "Kagome," she said, hugging the priestess. "It's good to see you well."

Kagome laughed nervously. "Yeah, um, let's not talk about it."

Rin smiled and produced a bouquet of flowers she had arranged from their garden at the Western Palace. Kagome's eyes welled with tears but she shook her head, trying to clear the emotions running through her body. "Izayoi will show you," she said and she told the girl to take them to her sister's grave.

Rin looked down at the little marker and cried, kneeling down and placing the flowers on the grave beside another fresh set of flowers.

"Daddy comes here every morning with flowers," Izayoi said softly.

_Kagome still hasn't healed yet,_ Rin thought. _Would my grief tear me apart too?_ She placed a hand on her belly and sighed.

"Come, Rin; my brother has returned," Sesshomaru said, leading her back to the village. Izayoi grasped her Uncle robes and walked with them, not commenting on how he was missing an arm.

"Sesshomaru," Inuyasha said when they had returned.

Sesshomaru grunted.

"Rin," he said in a softer voice. "You are pregnant."

She blushed and looked at Kagome who hadn't moved from the doorway of the hut since they returned. "Congratulations," Kagome said softly, placing a hand on her stomach and looking down at the ground.

"I hear that congratulations are in order for you too, Kagome," Rin said.

Kagome twittered nervously. "Who told you that?"

"Izayoi."

Kagome placed a hand on her daughter's head. "Izayoi, you know-"

Izayoi crossed her arms and looked away from her mother. "I was only telling her the truth."

"What?" Kagome said, her eyes wide. She looked at Inuyasha and he nodded. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Izayoi wasn't supposed to say anything until I told you—or you found out yourself—but I guess the novelty of 'Uncle Sesshomaru,'" he said, glaring at Sesshomaru, "made her speak before she was told she could."

"Oh," Kagome said, placing her hand over her mouth. "I'm pregnant?" She fainted.

"Not the reaction I was looking for," Inuyasha said after he lay her down on their futon.

"Will she be able to handle it?" Rin asked as they stood outside, letting Kagome rest.

"Izayoi, go get Sango," he said, shooing his daughter away.

She gave him a dark look but went to do as he said.

"I don't know," he said when Izayoi disappeared around the bend. "Izayoi seems to think so."

"Kagome is strong," Rin said, placing her hand on Inuyasha's shoulder.

He smiled weakly and pulled away. "How long have you two-"

"Um, since, ah," Rin stuttered, blushing.

"Since we returned home," Sesshomaru said smoothly.

Inuyasha nodded. After a pause, he said, "You know, I have to thank you for-"

Sesshomaru waved his words away. "I wish there was more I could have done."

Inuyasha looked down at the ground. "It will warm Kagome's heart to hear you say that," he said softly.

"You chose the name 'Kikyo': why?" Sesshomaru said, looking at his brother.

Inuyasha stared off into the distance. "We had decided on the name before-" he gulped, "-and it just stuck; it was a girl, after all."

"I saw Kikyo," Rin said softly, not looking at anyone. "When Kagome fired her arrow, I saw the priestess stand with her."

Inuyasha nodded. "Sometimes I see her in Kagome's eyes; she watches over us."

_It must be weird having a dead woman watch over you through your mate's eyes,_ Rin thought.

"Lady Rin!" Sango said, waving with her free hand. She clutched a baby to her bosom and was breathless by the time she reached them. "Lord Sesshomaru," she said, bowing to him.

Sesshomaru looked away, annoyed.

Sango looked at the mark on Rin's neck and smile. "Ah. Well, Kagome's fainted again; shall we go in a revive her?" Sango said, grabbing Rin's arm and guiding her into the hut.

"Did you know she was pregnant?" Rin asked as Sango put the baby down and busied herself, looking for something to revive Kagome with.

She nodded. "Inuyasha couldn't keep it to himself; the only one who didn't know was Kagome, and she was going to figure it out soon: the villagers have been leaving her congratulatory offerings."

Rin peered at the baby; it cooed at her and tried to grab her with its hands. "Pick him up; he's perfectly safe."

"Oh, I don't know, I might-"

"No one has dropped him yet, and I can't imagine you would; if you can pull a bow string back, you can pick up the baby without dropping him."

Rin picked up the child and looked into its brown eyes. Her body rocked back and forth, lulling the baby to sleep, his thumb in his mouth. "A natural," Sango said as she put a cold compress in Kagome's head. "Kagome," she said, shaking the woman, "wake up."

Kagome sat up with a start, her hand on her chest. "Oh Sango, I just had the worst dream-"

"Is it really so bad to be pregnant again?" Sango said.

Kagome saw Rin. "It wasn't a dream?"

Both women shook their heads: no.

Rin watched as Kagome's face went from shock to pain to joy to nervousness. "What if I lose the baby?" she whispered.

"Kagome, you won't. Izayoi came out fine; Kikyo—there were extenuating circumstances. As long as you stay out of trouble, the baby will be fine," Sango said, her hand on Kagome's knee.

"But-"

Sango shook her head firmly. "It's time to get up and start moving again. You have been neglecting Izayoi."

"What?"

"Izayoi likes to think she's a big girl, but you have been neglecting her. More often then not Izayoi is sniffling because you have been distant."

"My poor baby-"

"Yes," Sango said, standing up. "Your poor baby needs you; she'll only live this part of her life once."

Kagome's eye brows furrowed and she stood up. "Enough grieving; its time to let it go."

Sango sighed and hugged Kagome. "That's my girl. Inuyasha and Izayoi are outside."

Kagome marched outside and glared at Inuyasha, her hands on her hips. "You knew and didn't tell me?"

Izayoi stepped back and hid behind Sesshomaru; he absently placed his hand on the girl's head.

"Um, well I was going to tell you, I, uh, just hadn't gotten around to it," he said, backing away.

"You hadn't gotten around to it? What's that supposed to mean?" she said, her fists clenched.

"Kagome, you were-"

"Sit boy!" she said, pointing to the ground.

"Kagome must be better," Miroku said, strolling up to his wife and gently massaging her rear. Sango slapped him. "You too," he muttered.

Inuyasha got up from the ground and glared at Kagome. "You would have found out sooner or later, even if I hadn't told you." He crossed his arms.

"After everyone else knew first," she said.

"Hey, I was just spreading the joy-"

"Before you even told your wife?"

"I didn't know how you'd take it-"

"How'd you think I'd take it?"

"Terribly," he said, not looking at her.

"I-" Kagome didn't know what to say. He was right. "Sit boy!"

He went crashing into the ground. "Kagome!" he yelled.

"Mommy, stop!" Izayoi said, running to her father's side.

Kagome sighed and grabbed Inuyasha's hand, hauling him up. "Never keep that secret from me again," she said in a low voice. "You too," she said to Izayoi, and she stomped into the hut.

"Mommy can be scary," Izayoi said, grabbing her father's hand.

"Better scary than mopey," he muttered. He picked her up and smiled. "She's better now."

"Yay!" Izayoi said, bouncing in Inuyasha's arms.

Kagome came out of the hut, her complexion a little better. "Sorry," she said to everyone, bowing. "I wasn't myself."

"You haven't been yourself for a while," Inuyasha muttered.

"Inuyasha-"

He held up Izayoi as a shield. Kagome backed down but gave him dark looks.

"It's all right, Kagome. We should be going," Rin said.

"Already? Why don't you stay for dinner?' Kagome said.

Sesshomaru shook his head. "I want to be back at the castle by dark."

"He won't let me stay out at night," Rin said.

"Oh," both Kagome and Sango said.

"He doesn't want a demon to get me," she explained.

Both women sighed and nodded. More demons would be after Rin now that she was mated to the great Lord Sesshomaru. "Well, come back soon," Kagome said. "We can answer all your questions about babies and show you some useful techniques when giving birth."

Rin bowed. "I will return."

She and Sesshomaru left the village. "Ah-Un, Jaken, go ahead of us," Sesshomaru said to his servants. Jaken went muttering on Ah-Un's back. "We will take a stroll." He grabbed Rin's hand and walked with her through Inuyasha's Forest.

Rin leaned into his body, wrapping her left arm around his waist and holding his hand with her right. He adjusted, holding her close, letting his hand drape around her shoulders. She pulled at his fingers as they walked to the sacred tree.

"My brother was trapped here for 50 years," he said, touching the tree.

"By Priestess Kikyo-"

"By a human."

Rin said nothing. What was he thinking? He still surprised her, even though they had been together every moment since they had mated. She couldn't read his thoughts, though hers seemed to be an open book for him. Would she ever truly know him?

"Do you feel trapped, Sesshomaru?" she asked softly.

His eyes flashed. "You have not trapped me, Rin." He held both her hands in his.

"I am glad, then," she replied, kissing him and letting it go at that; she would carry no guilt in her heart.

"You have set me free," he said, drawing her into his embrace.

Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes, threatening to overwhelm her. Oh how she loved him!

He pulled away slightly and brushed her tears away. "Why do you cry?"

She smiled. "I am happy."

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Pau.

R & R.


End file.
